How to Save Your Relationship After Adultery
September 1st, 2009
After adultery a relationship is the weakest it’s ever likely to be, but this can be a good thing. This sounds like it is hard to believe, but the truth is that the time after adultery is also the time that can make or break a relationship, which can be a huge opportunity.
Nobody likes to be cheated on. Nobody should be cheated on. But cheating isn’t the problem, it’s the symptom. There is always a bigger problem underlying the infidelity and if there’s anything good to come after adultery, it’s knowing that there is a problem that you need to address.
The time when a relationship is at its weakest is also the best time to do the work that will bring it to being its strongest. There’s an idea in the military that you need to tear a person down so that you can build them back up, strong than they ever were before, and this is true in relationships as well.
After adultery what your relationships needs is a complete overhaul. This isn’t optional, because if you try to just go back to the way things were, then what you’ll find is that history will just repeat itself. You need to start over and build things back up from the bottom. Tear it down to bring it back stronger than it was before.
The first thing you need to do is spend some time apart. This may seem counter intuitive since you’re dealing with an after adultery situation, when the urge might be to not let your partner out of your sight for a single second. But the time apart will allow you to see your relationship from a different angle, and this perspective will be important for the relationship repair process.
The next thing you need to do is to figure out exactly what the problem was, and the answer to this question is not ‘they were sleeping with someone else’. You need to find the deep down problem that was behind the infidelity, and you need to do something about the problem.
After you’ve done those two things, it’s time for you to start the relationship over. The key part is to do it from the beginning. Go on dates again. Start over just as if you were dating somebody else. You need to treat this as a new relationship because if you want to repair your relationship after adultery, then it has to be a new relationship.
Although you’re being building a new relationship after adultery, you do need to keep in mind the problems that made all this necessary. The idea here isn’t to have the same relationship you had before, the idea is to have a better one, and this means you need to avoid making the same mistakes.
Rebuilding a relationship after adultery will be hard, but it will also be one of the most worthwhile things you can. Remember, there is help available out there, and seeking it out one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
For a man the pain of the sexual betrayal of his wife is much more painful. It is hard in this short space to cover all aspects of life after adultery, so I will address a few pertinent points. The betrayal: When adultery is discovered, …
While I have never experienced the pain of adultery I’ve known many who have. There is indeed, through God’s grace seen through our Lord Jesus Christ; forgiveness after all sins including the sin of adultery. …
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Posted in help save marriage | 
Tags: adultery, cheated on, cheating, forgiveness, life after adultery, relationship
Thanks
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While I enjoy some of your comments and have for some time, I find your comment above “for a man the pain of betrayal by his wife is much more painful” is ridiculous. You have obviously not been in a relationship whereby you husband or partner has betrayed you. I think your comment is biased and discredits you as an “authority” in relationships. Furthermore, it is a demonstration of your lack of understanding in what a woman goes though. This must be due to the fact that your website seems to be Christian based and therefore the notion of God’s love etc etc. Think you need to return to school and study the science of the mind. Yes men and women are different but you would do better in your readership if you left God out of the equation and not diminish womens pain and suffering after such a betrayal.
Nancy Purcell
Los Angeles