Tag Archives: save your relationship

Silly Mistakes Derailing Your Efforts to Get Your Ex Back

How long have you been working to get your ex back without seeing any real results? Many people in your shoes are surprised to learn that it isn’t what you aren’t doing that’s holding you back. It’s the things you are doing, that are working against you. Here are a few common roadblocks that could be derailing your trip back to relationship bliss.

You are Proud to be there for Your Ex

It’s a noble idea. Really it is. However, if you’re there for a friendly ear, a comforting shoulder, or a fast perk-me-up whenever your ex needs it from you, your ex isn’t really missing out on the benefits of being in a relationship with you. It’s getting all the fringe benefits of a loving relationship without putting in the work to keep things going. Instead, you’re going to have to let your ex deal with the stings life delivers sometimes without the solace of your comforting presence.

You Keep Trying

I know this one goes against everything your heart (and to some degree your head) is screaming at your right now. However, in times of crisis, reason isn’t even in charge of your head either. Reason rarely rules the heart. Why should a time of emotional distress be any different? One person can’t do it all in the relationship.

Pat Benatar had it right when she sang, “Love is a Battlefield.” Love is war and the winners, in love, have a plan. The tactical advantage goes to the one who retreats, assesses the situation impartially, and plans a strategic assault with victory in mind. You had better believe love is war. And you need to take a little time to assess your current position, the hostility of the terrain, and the best path to victory before you go in with guns (or in this case Cupid’s arrows) blazing.

You Attack from a Position of Weakness

Fans of NCIS know that team leader Gibbs is always telling his team not to apologize. According to Gibbs, apologizing is a sign of weakness. While that’s a philosophical debate for the most part, when you’re trying to save your relationship or get your ex back, it is often viewed, the leaving party, as a sign of weakness. You don’t want to make your move from an inferior position. Instead, lead with your strengths.

Show your power. Establish your dominance. Come in swinging from a position of strength and don’t ever let your ex see you sweat. There’s nothing sexier, to members of the opposite sex, than confidence. Be confident in yourself, your contribution to the relationship, and the fact that it’s just not time for this relationship to end.

Above all else, don’t make a move until you know what you’re going to do next. Have a contingency plan in place for a favorable outcome as well as a less-than-favorable outcome so that you don’t come across as desperate if you don’t win this round. Your mind needs to remain focused on the long-term prize of getting your ex back and every plan needs to ultimately lead you down that happy road.

Save a Relationship

7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?  ways to save a relationship Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. 

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship. 

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. 

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

how to save a relationship

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